im so tired of trying

rejected. again.

The Things Old People Say

Ok, so I was at my grandparents house tonight, along with my sister and her husband.  We were sitting there talking after supper about various things.  At one point we were discussing my job (pharmacy tech), which then led to healthcare in general, and then AIDS.  At this point, out of the blue, my grandpa says, "You know, I'm not completely sure this is right, but sometimes I think that all those people in Africa having AIDS is God's way of controlling the population, weeding people out you know, kinda like natural selection and survival of the fittest."  

Wow.  Ok, that kind of talk scares me.  If he weren't my grandpa, and I heard someone on the radio or something say that, I'd immediately label them as crazy.  You know, like Nazi-militia freak-radical-super conservative-religious fanatic crazy.  

Let us ponder the issues of that statement for a monent.  Firstly, AIDS is super bad.  I mean, it sucks.  It's transimitted in various ways, primarily via unprotected sex.  And there's the sterotypes that only gays get AIDS, and if you're a druggie you'll get AIDS.  Don't get me wrong, it can happen that way, but usually people associate AIDS only with those forms of transmission.  Numero deux, people seem to think Africa = AIDS, black people = AIDS, moreover, black Africans = AIDS.  Really, that's what they think, it's simple as addition.  Tres, Religiously speaking (this is gonna come from a Christian worldview, but I'm quite sure remains true for other main world religions), AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE COMPASSION ON THE HURTING, SICK, BROKENHEARTED, and LESS-FORTUNATE??  Right?  Did I miss something?  We provide for those who don't have.  We share, we love, we give, we pray, we HEAL.  That's what Jesus did....In fact, that's what he was all about.  And # fo, this just sounds like that crazy Malthus guy, with his crazy Malthusian ideas, something about how we didn't have enough food in the world to feed everybody, so the undesirables would just die off for the betterment of the rest of us (us meaning, of course, Caucasian Judeo-Christian Western rich folk).  

Ok.  End rant.

Thoughts?

Say Hello to Socialism

Well, hopefully not, at least not all aspects of it.  But what's up with our government firing people at will?  The government has not right to fire CEOs.  

"Obama spoke after the White House forced GM CEO and Chairman Rick Wagoner to step down. The president said the move was not a "condemnation" of the chairman -- rather a "recognition that it will take a new vision and new direction to create the GM of the future." 

He said his interest lies in giving the company the opportunity to make "much-needed changes" so that it can emerge profitable and competitive. 

"Let me be clear. The United States government has no interest in running GM. We have no intention of running GM," Obama said. " (http://www.foxnews.com/politics/first100days/2009/03/30/obama-auto/)

What?  Are you serious?  WHAT??  Now don't get me wrong, the guy needed to be fired, because apparently he's doing a pretty crappy job, but should that be done by the President???  This is not good.......

Engagement Photos

So, this was my first attemp at "professional" photography.  Luckily, it was for my cousin, so the stakes weren't quite so high.  I was still really nervous though and didn't really know what I was doing.  I think the biggest mistake though was the timing:  we met in the late afternoon, so the sunlight and shadows were brutal.  You can tell that in the pics.  Oh well, at least now I now that's not the best time for portraits!  Oh, and for any hardcore peeps, these were shot with a Nikon D40 with the built in flash.  Anyway, here's a few of my favorites...

(ok so these aren't good thumbnails...make sure you click on it to see the whole pic!!)

wedding dress

This is a great song by Derek Webb.  I hadn't heard it in a long time, until the other day when I was riding around with a friend.  

If you could love me as a wife 
and for my wedding gift, your life 
Should that be all I'd ever need 
or is there more I'm looking for 

and should I read between the lines 
and look for blessings in disguise 
To make me handsome, rich, and wise 
Is that really what you want 

I am a whore I do confess 
But I put you on just like a wedding dress 
and I run down the aisle 
and I run down the aisle 
I'm a prodigal with no way home 
but I put you on just like a ring of gold 
and I run down the aisle to you 

So could you love this bastard child 
Though I don't trust you to provide 
With one hand in a pot of gold 
and with the other in your side 

I am so easily satisfied 
by the call of lovers so less wild 
That I would take a little cash 
Over your very flesh and blood 

Because money cannot buy 
a husband's jealous eye 
When you have knowingly deceived his wife 

It reminds me a lot of the book of Hosea, and um, my life in general, haha.  

Fasting and Dreams

Yeah, so the facebook fast has officially ended.  If I had to blame it on anyone (besides myself, of course), it'd have to be Caitlin.  See, although I wasn't checking my facebook, I still got all those tempting email updates.  So when I saw that she had posted a pic of me, and then there were a lot of comments, I just couldn't resist.  So yeah Caitlin, it's your fault.  Oh well, thankfully I have freedom in Christ!

On another note...what do you think of dreams?  Do you put much stock in them?  Take them seriously?  I believe that people can sometimes have prophetic dreams, and I definitely think God can speak to people through dreams.  So, anyway, the other day I prayed about just that, that God would help me to remember my dreams.  (I NEVER EVER EVER remember them.)  So the next morning, I kid you not, I remember the exact details of my dream.  And it was definitely a dream I'd like to come true, about receiving a letter from certain school with certain good news!

The Shack

This is perhaps one of the most amazing books I've ever read.  It has completely changed my perception of who God is, how he relates to us, and his sovereingty.  It's about a man who takes his family on  a camping trip to a state park.  In the chaos that ensues, his little girl is kidnapped.  After a day or two of searching, they find evidence of her at this old shabby shack in the wilderness.  About three years later, the father receives a letter from from "Papa," asking him to join him at the shack this upcoming weekend.  At first he thinks it's a sick joke, but the more he ponders it, he considers that it may truly be from God (after all, his wife lovingly refers to God as Papa).  So, he decides to journey to the shack, and...well, you'll have to read the book!  Basically he has a weekend with God, battling through the pain of losing his daughter and how that has changed him.  

After reading the book, you'll have to decide for yourself whether you think his experience is real or not.  Maybe you'll think he just had a little bit too much morphine, I don't know.  As for me though, I know it certainly spoke to me in a very real way.  It taught me so many things about the character of God that may seem strange or even radical, yet I know it to be true in my heart.  I can promise you that it will change your perception of God and your relationship with him.  I think from now on I'll always think of God as Papa, Jesus, and Sarayu (the Holy Spirit).  You gotta read this book.  I know I will many more times in the future.