new blog. No longer using this one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It's 2010! A new decade! My third, actually...whoa that's weird to think I'll be 30 in 2016... Anyway, getting ready to start back up in school. This is my last week of working for real full time (40 hours) versus minimum-full-time-where-I-still-get-benefits (30 hours), which I'll start next week. I have classes on Tuesday and Thursday, so I'll work MWF. So to get 30 hours, that means I'll be working 10 hour shifts...yuck. But hey, my car doesn't pay for itself. Gotta do what you gotta do.

Strangely, I'm excited to get back into classes. What can I say, I'm a stickler for learning. And I really love anatomy. The other class I'm taking is a doozie. Just an Intro to Computers that's required for a degree. Pretty lame actually. I've grown up on computers, PC and mac, taken tons of classes in high school, and know how to work pretty much every program. But alas, these are the things we do to get degrees. I guess it wouldn't really bother me if it weren't for the fact that I'm paying for it....so to pay $450 learning how to do things I already know how to do is a little absurd.

Hmm what else. Oh, I created a tumblr account to use as my photography blog! I hope to put some more work into it soon. Right now most of my pics are on my PC, and I just haven't had the time to get them transferred to my mac. There are a few things up now though. You can check it out here. I really like tumblr because it has a lot of functionality...I just wish you could add little boxes/widgets like with blogger, so I could have a "contact me" section, etc. Still trying to figure that out...

M JONES

Holiday Updates

Yo peeps! Just wanted to post again, before I let another 5 months slip by! It's been nice having a break from school for the holidays. I've enjoyed being able to relax, not study, and spend time with family.

On Christmas eve we gathered at my mom's parents' house to celebrate and exchange gifts. 6 children + 9 grandchildren + 4 great-grandchildren make for a big family!! We also ate lunch there on Christmas, followed by supper at my dad's parents' with his family, which is quite smaller, but just as enjoyable.

Some notable gifts this year were some much needed clothes, a camera case to protect Nick, gift cards (hello iTunes!), and an "iGraduated Mercer" shirt which is incredibly cool and also kinda makes me sad thinking about the good times I had there.

I don't have any plans yet for New Year's Eve, but I'll likely go to my cousin's house for her birthday/new year's celebration (it's a yearly tradition). It's always a fun night with lots of finger foods, chatting, and games.

I swear it's getting better...that's my philosophy.

M JONES

STOP THE NAKEDNESS!

This is an AWESOME organization that does some really good stuff...they design cool clothing and when you buy it they send another shirt to someone in need across the world. In fact the name of the country it goes to is printed on the tag of the shirt you receive. PLUS you get an additional shirt to give to someone you know that's in need. How awesome is this? And it creates perfect ministry opps for when people ask, "what does that mean on your shirt?" Love it love it love it.

Check them out at their website, or watch the video below.

www.stopthenakedness.com

Been kinda sick for about a week. Guess what you'd call the "common cold." Meh. I don't like being common, and I don't like having a cold. Luckily though it hasn't progressed into anything worse....glad I got my flu shot! Whatever I have, I probably got it from all those sickly, germy kids at the pharmacy. I tell ya, we should have a face mask bouncer at the door before people are allowed in.

Anyway, not too much besides being sick this past week. Christmas is coming up and I'm trying to get everybody's gifts. Since last post, I managed to go to the mall again on a Wednesday, and the results were much better. In fact, all I have left to buy for are my mom and my brother-in-law.

This weekend I'm off work, but we're having a Christmas party at a co-worker's house. We're all bringing hors d'oeuvres and we'll be playing dirty Santa...you know where you swap gifts and then you can steal them from each other. Get your mind out of the gutter. Before that though I want to try (again) to exercise Nick...my neglected camera. We'll see.

Good night you princes of Maine, you kings of New England.

M. JONES

Rain Rain Go Away

So, my big plans for the day were to go out taking pictures with my awesome camera Nick the Nikon (I know, very original). Well, that changes when I woke up and noticed is was raining...not just rain, but really really cold rain. It's different.

What were my alternate plans? Being lazy. But then I realized I have 0/10 Christmas gifts I have to buy, so decided to go to the mall and try to knock some of those out. Bad idea.

At about a 1 mile radius from the mall, the traffic was at a standstill. 10 minutes later, I finally made it to the mall parking lot, and it took another 10 mins to find a spot. Once inside, just walking around was a nightmare. Couldn't even move without touching somebody. The concept of personal space does not exist in the box monsters during the holidays. I needed some Xanax! Needless to say, I couldn't handle it and left about 30 minutes later. The day wasn't completely wasted though, I did get one gift and also ran into my cousin-in-law, so that was nice.

Tonight for supper we had grits, eggs, bacon, and rolls. Get excited. You know you love breakfast for supper. Just having it any other time besides the A.M. makes it exponentially better. Now to top it all off I'm about to watch X-Men: Origins while sippin' on some coffee. Yum.

The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire.

M. Jones

Changes

Um, yeah...so it's been like 5 months since I last updated! Ha, guess I'm not much of a blogger. I'll try to fix that...

To be honest, I kinda felt like my blog had no purpose, no direction, no set path. Just a bunch of rambling. But then I realized, hey that's the title! So I guess it's ok. Maybe.

So what have I been doing the last half-year? Good question. It seems my life has been nothing but a lot of changes lately. (As I'm sure anyone would also say for oneself) I'm still working full time, but on top of that I'm also taking classes at ABAC half-time. After working hard in undergrad, taking pre-med classes, studying my butt off, taking the MCAT, spending tons of money on said test and applications, interviewing at a couple schools and being waitlisted only to find out I didn't get into med school...I kinda got burned out. Then I decided, hey let's do nursing. So that's where I am, and to be honest, I feel really good about it, at peace.

Anyway, before I can start the actual nursing program I have to do a few prereqs I didn't take at undergrad. So this semester I've had Anatomy and Physiology and Nursing Pharmacology. In fact I'm in the middle of finals now. So far I've already taken the A&P lab final and pharm final, and I have A's in both of those. All that's left is A&P lecture, which is on Wednesday.

Next Spring I'll take A&P II and a random intro to computers class. And then I can start the nursing program in the Fall! It takes 4 semesters, so I should graduate Spring '12. Whoa that looks weird...makes me think of 1912 haha.

Speaking of history, on this day in 1941, Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. "I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve." -Japanese admiral Isoroku Yamamoto That you did Iso, that you did...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAITLIN

pimp myspace

Stress, Stress, Stress

Uhh. Just need to vent. Here's what's making me stressed out at the moment.

-Registration. Blah. Registering for classes always makes me stressed in general, but this time even more so. The ONE class I need, and HAVE to take now so I can start the nursing program on time, Anatamy and Physiology, is closed. All 10 sections. Every one. And it's not like I've been a slacker and just now decided to register. I did as soon as I could. Um, problem.

-Credtis. Speaking of classes, ABAC tranfered a lot of my credit from Mercer. Everything was pretty much ok, but they're trying to jip me on some stuff. They transferred my Intro to Bio classes as some lower-level credits at ABAC. Excuse me, and no offense, but I think my Bio credits at a prestigious 4-year university is at least equivalant and probably trumps the Bio at a 2-year community college. Just saying. Oh, and they also won't give me credit for the 300 level art class I took to take the place of their 100 level art class required. Logical? No. Anyway, I'll be meeting with the Registrar soon to sort this all out.

-Bills. So, all of a sudden these bill collectors started calling me saying I was delinquent on my student loan payments. At first I thought they maybe had the wrong number, because I always make my payments. Turns out, they applied both of my two loan payments to only one loan instead of two separate payments for the different loans, therefore putting one of my loans in delinquent status. Not cool. Now I have bill collectors calling me, and my credit's probably going to get screwed. And they STILL HAVEN'T GOT IT FIXED. Honestly, is this how you treat people who actually pay bills on time?!?

Eschewing all Grace

I'm going to write a book (ok, maybe just an essay) one day with that being the title. It will be about my views of God and relationship with him (or non-relationship) growing up, before a very climactic change in college.

Ha, that's all I really have to say....just wanted to write that down before I forgot it!

And yeah, I really love this pic...would be a great book cover.

the nature of grace

This is something I've been struggling with a lot lately. How do you reconcile grace/freedom with discipline/conviction/guilt? I really don't know the answer, and I haven't talked to someone who does. I think a lot of it has to do with my legalistic upbringing, always doing things "right."

Sometimes I just hate myself because I feel like a failure at Christianity. I try to make myself be good, go through the motions, thinking it's better to try than not. In the end though I'm left with guilt and feeling very dehumanizing.

So, I decided to try something.

I stopped reading my Bible. I got to a point where I was reading it regularly, but when occaisionally fogot/didn't have time/didn't want to, I felt super bad. Also, I was so legalistic about it. For me, reading the Bible is like studying for an exam. I have to extract everything from it that I can and memorize everything. Not much room for the Holy Spirit to work...I felt like I shouldn't be imprisonating myself in something as good and holy as God's word. It's not that I don't want to read it, because I still do sometimes, or that I don't want to learn from it.

I just feel like I have so many old, legalistic habits to un-do before I can truly live free.

But where does that leave me? Aren't I supposed to feel convicted when I sin? And when/where/how does grace fit in? I know, these are deep questions.

English only, Please

Yeah, so got this in an email.  Talking about how we should "stick it" to America.  This should especially be worn in places of business where people of minor ethnicities work, such as McDonalds, Wal-Mart, different pharmacies, and tons of other places.  The ending thought of the message was, "Let's flood the USA with this one!!"

I could be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that in all those years of US history I had, they talked about how America was formed as a refuge for people of all backgrounds.  Yes, even people who weren't from Britain, which means they didn't speak English.  

Now, don't get me wrong--I'm completely aware that English is the official language of the US.  But this sentiment is clearly directed to Spanish-speaking people.  We speak volumes by having this mindset.  We say, "I'm better than you,"  "My country is better than your's,"  "I don't want you to be here,"  "Learn it or get out,"  "I want nothing to do with you."  Which is completely at odds with what our country represents:  freedom, opportunity, sanctuary, growth.  Why would we want to deny someone that?  By having this mindset, we loose the very values that the others are trying to attain!  It makes no sense!  

I wish I could speak Spanish, because it would help me greatly in explaing to a mother how often and how much medicine to give her child!  Is that unamerican??

Time Out

Ok, I'm ready to face something that I have been ignoring....maybe I'm NOT supposed to be a doctor.  Maybe that's something I've considered deep down but haven't given it the time to play out what that means in my head.  I'm still very passionate about healthcare and serving others, but I don't have to be a physician to do that.  I kept telling myself, "but Matthew, you definitely felt the CALL!"  But when I more closely examine said call, it doesn't necessarily lead to being a doctor.  

I felt "called" while I was in Mississippi my first time doing disaster relief after Hurricane Katrina.  While cleaning on site, I stepped on a nail, so to forego being infected by Tetanus, I went to a local, makeshift clinic downtown.  The doctor checked out my foot, said I was ok, and sent me to another room to get the wound cleaned by a nurse.  That's when I had my moment--I was so overwhelmed by the scene before me:  These healthcare workers were giving up their time to volunteer in this free clinic (which had formerely been a train depot) to help any and everyone who had need.  I knew without a doubt that was what I wanted to do.

But when I seriously look at my own qualities and skills, I'm not sure if I'm really cut out to be a doctor.  Obviously, it takes a high degree of intelligence and critical thinking skills to be a good doctor.  Being only compassionate and moderately smart won't cut it.  So, when I'm honest with myself, the MCAT gives me a really hard time.  My score isn't competitive enough, and studying for it again is a very daunting task for me.  There comes a point when you have to realize that by rereading and reworking something doesn't mean you will eventually grasp it.  

So...now what?  Am I just doubting myself?  Not trying hard enough?  I just spent money on a really expensive online MCAT prep course, and signed up to retake the MCAT.  Do I continue on and see what happens, even though I'm not sure this is the right direction, or just cut my losses?  

And what are my alternatives?  Like I said, I'm still drawn to healthcare and service.  But since I'm in debt, I can't do something on a strictly volunteer basis.  I could see myself in a variety of different options, such as working for WHO, the UN, or the Peace Corps.  I'm also talented at organization, visonary, and implementation, so I could maybe do behind the scences stuff for others.  Or maybe I could pursue a nursing career?  There's always a need for them, and there's room for growth.  Plus being a nurse would help me in pursuing those other international ventures (WHO, etc).  

Maybe I just need to take a year off and not make any decisions?  I tend to make uninformed decisions and then spent time doubting them (thus, this blog, lol).  

Was it even real?

My time at college was great.  I was slow at opening up, but I eventually become vulnerable and created some incredible friendships.  I studied hard, and became involved in a range of clubs and activities, even took on a few leaderships roles.  I developed some life goals and started pursuing them.  Through it all, I really felt like I knew what I wanted, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to be.  I was focosued, happy, determined, carefree, confident, and......well, a completely different person than I had been prior to college.  When I would visit home on the weekends or breaks, it was kinda strange because I felt like I had changed internally, like I wasn't the same person anymore but my family didn't realize it yet.  

But now, after having graduated a year ago, it seems like the whole process is reversing itself, much to my dismay.  I've applied twice to medical school, without success.  I'm going to try one more time...but maybe it's not what I'm supposed to do?  But why is it that everything I have done up to this point has led me to this?  I really feel like it's my calling in life, so why doesn't it happen?  

In the meantime, I've been working a full time job, but I don't really like it.  I love some of the people I work with, but others not so much.  I barely get more than minimum wage (college degree for what??) and everything I earn goes to bills and gas.  Everything.  And I have very little respect for the manager because he has yet to correct a billing error on my payroll, which he has known about for 6 months now.  I just feel very underappreciated.  How do they expect me to want to stay when the incentive is a .12 cent raise?  Yeah, 12 CENTS.  I just have to keep telling myself, "at least I have a job..."

Plus, since coming back from school it's hard not to feel a bit isolated.  Living on campus, I was surrounded by friends and things to do.  But back home, the friends base comes from high school, and well....you learn that you have very few close high school friends.  And it can be hard to do stuff when people are getting married right and left, working full time jobs, or out of the country :/ (but luckily coming home sooooon!)  

Sorry, just had to get all that out.  On the bright side, hoping 3rd time's the charm, looking at better-paying jobs in my profession, and going on a roadtrip to New England with two best buds in a few weeks :)

This is pure genious...

I Don't Want Health Care If Just Anyone Can Have It

(From the Onion News, http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_want_health_care_if_just)

As a concerned citizen, I must voice my adamant disapproval of the "universal health care" proposals we've been hearing so much about. I don't have any gripes with expanding and improving health coverage, per se. It's the "universal" part that irks me. Providing health care for all would completely undermine the whole idea of health care. If every last one of the 40 million uninsured bozos in this country is going to get access to the vast, virtually unnavigable system of medical care we chosen few now enjoy, then I no longer even want it.

When hospital administrators see me flash my Blue Cross card, it means something. It tells the world, "Hey, look at me: I pay increasingly high monthly premiums, submit to annual exams, and claim any health-related expenditures over seven percent of my yearly income on my taxes, and you can't." But when this bill passes, they'll be handing out insurance cards willy-nilly, and nobody will be able to tell the difference between someone who's had health coverage for 20 years and someone whose boss was compelled by law to provide it to all full-time employees.

Then again, maybe they'll offer some sort of special Platinum Plus medical card. But I can't count on that.

Health care is all about exclusivity, pure and simple. It's for a group of like-minded people bonded by the dream of only having to contribute a portion of their weekly wages to ensure unfettered access to a number of licensed health care professionals. If we change all that, health care will be about as elite as a public restroom, open to any yokel who waltzes into an emergency room and can legally establish California residency.

Mark my words, this will completely destroy the allure of filling out all the necessary-but-time-consuming paperwork, choosing one primary care physician attached to one specific plan, and becoming eligible for prescription medications at a reduced rate.

The only reason this is even being considered is because a majority of voters want it. Well, of course they do—they don't have it! But you don't see 33rd Degree Freemasons letting any old average citizen into their inner sanctum just because he's curious. And you won't catch me sharing my God-given right to affordable lifesaving medical procedures with every bum who's got a jones for another hepatitis vaccination. It's undignified.

After all, how do I know I've made it in this world if I'm not able to enjoy something others can't?

Lack of access to health care is the seventh leading cause of death in the country, and that says something. It doesn't get much more elite than being part of a club other people are literally dying to get into. So what incentive would there be if everyone were guaranteed equal health care, regardless of income, age, or employment status? Who would be left to proudly tell their grandchildren about the glory days of PPOs? That is a future I'd rather not imagine, thank you very much.

So why the constant desire to guarantee basic yearly screenings and vital operations for all, thus creating some kind of ridiculous, unrealistic safety net? How will people fully appreciate the excellence of the American health care system without the constant threat of it being yanked away at any moment?

If middle-class children are given government-subsidized medical coverage from the beginning, they won't have anything to look forward to when they get older. Though my offspring will never have to worry about desperately trying to scrape together the money for a hospital visit, it doesn't mean we should do away with the millions of other uninsured Americans who show them how privileged they are to have it in the first place.

That's just a simple matter of respect.

I urge all citizens of good sense to reject any universal health care plan that gets put forward. It's time to stand up for what's right, and protect our most respectable institutions. If we don't do it now, what will they tell us next—that everyone deserves a free public education and "the right" to a fair trial?

Nice quote

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free. "
Ronald Reagan

Politiques

I hate it how, especially in America, we try to label our beliefs into two different parties:  Republican or Democrat.  And I say beliefs and not political beliefs because we make assumptions often merely on one's beliefs.  For example, if you're a Christian, you're Republican, and if you're not, you're Democrat.

I'm a Christian, but I hate those hard-core, doom's day, scare tactics people use in politics.

I'm pro-life, not because I don't understand a woman's position, but because murder is wrong.

I'm pro gun control because I think it creates more harm than good.

I'm pro-capitalism, and I'm pro-universal health care.

I'm pro-privacy, and I'm pro-protection, but not always at the expense of privacy.

I'm pro-free speech, and pro-tolerance, but not at the expense of free speech.

I'm pro-government assisitance for the needy (i.e. Medicaid), but only for the truly needy.

And I hate it when people make surface judgements.  "You're a Christian?  So you voted for McCain, right?"  "What, you voted for O'Bama?  I thought you were a Christian!  You know he's pro-choice, right?"

This is who I am, this is what I believe.  This is ME.  

So what am I?  Democrat?  Republican?  Both?  In between?  Neither?  

My anwser?  I'm just a citizen, doing his duty for the well-being of his beloved country, voting not based on party lines, tradition, or pressure, but only on my deep-rooted convictions in a way to promote a democratic society.

"Old People" 2: Black people are stupid?

Yeah, I didn't know that either.  Today while working at the pharmacy, an old guy comes up wanting to get something refilled.  I inform him that he doesn't have any refills, and that we'll have to fax the physician to get it authorized.  He said that he already told them he needed a refill, but he wasn't sure if it got through because the girl who usually worked was on vacation.  Instead, there was "a black girl, so that's probably why it hasn't been done.  Do you think that has something to do with it?" he asks me.  "(pause out of disbelief).....NO, I don't think that has anything at all to do with it..."

It's people like this that give credence to racism.

im so tired of trying

rejected. again.

The Things Old People Say

Ok, so I was at my grandparents house tonight, along with my sister and her husband.  We were sitting there talking after supper about various things.  At one point we were discussing my job (pharmacy tech), which then led to healthcare in general, and then AIDS.  At this point, out of the blue, my grandpa says, "You know, I'm not completely sure this is right, but sometimes I think that all those people in Africa having AIDS is God's way of controlling the population, weeding people out you know, kinda like natural selection and survival of the fittest."  

Wow.  Ok, that kind of talk scares me.  If he weren't my grandpa, and I heard someone on the radio or something say that, I'd immediately label them as crazy.  You know, like Nazi-militia freak-radical-super conservative-religious fanatic crazy.  

Let us ponder the issues of that statement for a monent.  Firstly, AIDS is super bad.  I mean, it sucks.  It's transimitted in various ways, primarily via unprotected sex.  And there's the sterotypes that only gays get AIDS, and if you're a druggie you'll get AIDS.  Don't get me wrong, it can happen that way, but usually people associate AIDS only with those forms of transmission.  Numero deux, people seem to think Africa = AIDS, black people = AIDS, moreover, black Africans = AIDS.  Really, that's what they think, it's simple as addition.  Tres, Religiously speaking (this is gonna come from a Christian worldview, but I'm quite sure remains true for other main world religions), AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE COMPASSION ON THE HURTING, SICK, BROKENHEARTED, and LESS-FORTUNATE??  Right?  Did I miss something?  We provide for those who don't have.  We share, we love, we give, we pray, we HEAL.  That's what Jesus did....In fact, that's what he was all about.  And # fo, this just sounds like that crazy Malthus guy, with his crazy Malthusian ideas, something about how we didn't have enough food in the world to feed everybody, so the undesirables would just die off for the betterment of the rest of us (us meaning, of course, Caucasian Judeo-Christian Western rich folk).  

Ok.  End rant.

Thoughts?