Eschewing all Grace

I'm going to write a book (ok, maybe just an essay) one day with that being the title. It will be about my views of God and relationship with him (or non-relationship) growing up, before a very climactic change in college.

Ha, that's all I really have to say....just wanted to write that down before I forgot it!

And yeah, I really love this pic...would be a great book cover.

the nature of grace

This is something I've been struggling with a lot lately. How do you reconcile grace/freedom with discipline/conviction/guilt? I really don't know the answer, and I haven't talked to someone who does. I think a lot of it has to do with my legalistic upbringing, always doing things "right."

Sometimes I just hate myself because I feel like a failure at Christianity. I try to make myself be good, go through the motions, thinking it's better to try than not. In the end though I'm left with guilt and feeling very dehumanizing.

So, I decided to try something.

I stopped reading my Bible. I got to a point where I was reading it regularly, but when occaisionally fogot/didn't have time/didn't want to, I felt super bad. Also, I was so legalistic about it. For me, reading the Bible is like studying for an exam. I have to extract everything from it that I can and memorize everything. Not much room for the Holy Spirit to work...I felt like I shouldn't be imprisonating myself in something as good and holy as God's word. It's not that I don't want to read it, because I still do sometimes, or that I don't want to learn from it.

I just feel like I have so many old, legalistic habits to un-do before I can truly live free.

But where does that leave me? Aren't I supposed to feel convicted when I sin? And when/where/how does grace fit in? I know, these are deep questions.

English only, Please

Yeah, so got this in an email.  Talking about how we should "stick it" to America.  This should especially be worn in places of business where people of minor ethnicities work, such as McDonalds, Wal-Mart, different pharmacies, and tons of other places.  The ending thought of the message was, "Let's flood the USA with this one!!"

I could be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that in all those years of US history I had, they talked about how America was formed as a refuge for people of all backgrounds.  Yes, even people who weren't from Britain, which means they didn't speak English.  

Now, don't get me wrong--I'm completely aware that English is the official language of the US.  But this sentiment is clearly directed to Spanish-speaking people.  We speak volumes by having this mindset.  We say, "I'm better than you,"  "My country is better than your's,"  "I don't want you to be here,"  "Learn it or get out,"  "I want nothing to do with you."  Which is completely at odds with what our country represents:  freedom, opportunity, sanctuary, growth.  Why would we want to deny someone that?  By having this mindset, we loose the very values that the others are trying to attain!  It makes no sense!  

I wish I could speak Spanish, because it would help me greatly in explaing to a mother how often and how much medicine to give her child!  Is that unamerican??